On the Rocks

I love social psychology

2006-10-02T23:18:00.000-07:00

On Monday, October 02, 2006, I started my week out with a “bang”. On this day, I went to my classes as usual, there was nothing specifically different about my routine, but today, wherever I went, there was commotion. Today, I violated a rule, a norm of our culture, which dictates that while women may dress as men, men may not dress as women. I wore a skirt, a pink girl’s shirt, a dangle earring, and shaved my legs to complete the ensemble. I wore this getup all day, from the moment I left my house to the moment I left campus. I arrived at campus late, missing my first class and chapel, but I made it just in time to have lunch at the Hive. I spent much of the early afternoon in MSC, capitalizing on its centrality for visibility. From there, I headed to my second class of the day, passing through Heath Hardwick Hall and Longview Hall, only to realize my class had been canceled. I walked back through the halls, and returned to MSC. I spent another hour there with friends, being seen, and proceeded to my last class of the day. From there, a traversed campus for another hour, dropped by one of the dorms, and headed home. But the action was nothing without the reactions.

Reactions to my violation of masculinity varied greatly. The first reactions I got were not from students, but from my neighbors. On the left, my neighbors are a white, redneck oilfield family, and on the right, a black, family community of a grandmother, two single moms with three kids each, and a crack-cocaine dealing uncle. Both saw me as I left my house to get in my truck, and both sneered, shouting vulgarities at me across the fence. The first few reactions I got on campus were primarily glances, then double-takes as people sought to clarify what they thought they had seen. Stares were frequent, as were comment the speakers thought I could not hear, and many they knew I could. These ranged from questioning my sanity to accusing me of vulgarity. From my friends, some shook their heads and laughed (as my own brother did when he saw me), and others shunned me, refusing to have any contact with me while I dressed like that (I even received one very loud and very explosive “what the hell” from one friend when he saw me). On two occasions I had individuals I did not know stop me and ask to take pictures. Many people approached me, asking my motivation. My answer across the board to the question involved my discovery that skirts were incredibly comfortable and I had recently taken a liking to wearing them. Disgust was almost universally the response to that answer. I heard at least three individuals mutter “fag” as they walked away from me after hearing that answer. In my last class of the day, the professor referred to me as “Mrs. [Last Name]”. However, on the other side of things, girls I interacted with and talked to today were far more likely to openly flirt with me, even so far as to give me phone numbers of their own accord, something that does not happen to me under normal circumstances. Not all reactions were negative though. There were a number of people who smiled, grinned, and shook my hand at my defiance, calling it “awesome” or some similar description. Some people made no visible notice of my dress whatsoever, and interacted with me the same as if I were dressed normally. To cap my day off, I returned home to discover one roommate received text messages throughout the day from concerned individuals who had seen me and knew I lived with him. For every person that saw me and interacted with me, I got a different reaction, but almost all fit into three general categories: disgust, encouragement, or apathy. Disgust and encouragement were the received at the highest rate, and were close to equal, with disgust perhaps just a little bit higher. Apathy trailed far behind. As the day progressed and I started to receive more and more external reactions, my own reactions regarding the situation changed.

When I began the project, I did not want to be doing it. I tend to be a fairly self-conscious, fairly shy individual, and the ideal of thrusting myself out in this manner was a bit intimidating. And I knew a majority of the responses I would get would be negative. However, at the same time, I love eliciting reactions out of people, and I do enjoy breaking social norms, though generally in a more comfortable setting. The extreme embarrassment of being recognized and berated by my neighbors did not help my demeanor as I approached the campus. Thus, as I walked down the sidewalk on campus, heading towards MSC for the first time that day, I was very self-conscious. I avoided eye contact with people I passed, and I couldn’t repress a shy grin when I noticed people noticing me. But from the moment I was confronted with someone familiar, the shyness began to slip away. I first ran into my brother, then friends from my former dorm, then my routine Monday-Wednesday-Friday lunch mates. Interacting with them allowed me to act more casual, to relax some, and even to become a little excited about the project. As I sat in the Hive and talked to more and more people, the different dress began to have a completely opposite affect on me. Knowing I was set apart from the normal, knowing I was the center of attention when I was noticed, I became significantly more confident than I am normally. I was no longer embarrassed by my deviance, but excited because of it, enjoying it and pushing the limits of my exposure as far as they would go. I went from quiet personal amusement and embarrassment at my situation to boldly embracing it, allowing it to energize me.

Gah

2006-09-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

Damnit, I KNEW there was a reason I swore off younger girls! I KNEW it! ANd yet what do I do?? *shakes head*

Edit: upon rereading my post I realized it needed some clarification... younger girls = girls 18-20. Juuust thought I'd make that clear.

Realization...

2006-06-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

I've always been right... I cannot live alone for long. I cannot be surrounded by people but alone for long. Discovery is a rogue.

Cosmic coin toss

2006-05-08T23:13:00.000-07:00

Well, We have a palce to live. In fact, We have a very nice place to live. A house. Three bedroom. The rent is almost nothing too. We are very pleased by these turn of events. Oh, we also quit our stupid job today, so we're back in (on?) the market, so to speak. We've got some good leads though, so we're not really worried. We really want to work on our book a lot this summer anyway, hopefully get a good bulk of it written. But right now, We're enjoying Austin, live music, old friends, etc. And now, for a song thats been haunting Us for half a week...

Got a big plan, his mindset maybe its right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
In a whisper or handshake sending a sign
Wanna make out and kiss hard, wait nevermind

Late night, in passing, metioned it flip to her
bestfriend, it's no thing, maybe it slipped
but the slip turns to terror and the crush to like
when she walked in he froze up, leaves it to fright

Its cute in a way, till you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette, knees get weak
An escape is just a nod and a casual wave
Obsessed about it, heavy for the next two days

It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger and he just don't know
You pray it all away but it continues to grow

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I want to fucking tear you apart

Then he walked up and told her, thinking maybe it'd passed

And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare

They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do
Cause theres always repercussions when you're dating in school
But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last

Either way he wanted her and this was bad
He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy
Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I want to fucking tear you apart

Vestis Virum Reddit, but where would they be without the warehous

2006-04-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

So, what is the irony of my current situation? I'm remarkably content. I've taken care of all situations to a satisfying conclusion, whether that conclusion be total break of contact of putting the final paragraph (words) on a foolish novel (attraction) I never should have begun.

On the other hand, I have one week to find a place to live else I'll have nowhere to lay my head but my truck, I've gone to all the apartments in Longview and found nothing. The townhouse Zach and I are looking at is awesome, but its not gonna be easy for us to get a lease there. In the past 2 weeks I've worked a grand total of 16 hours at my allegedly fulltime job and thus money is short. All of these things are a serious concern... and I would appreciate any prayer you people have to offer, but I'm not overly worried.

I even have a semi-longterm project to work on - a book I am so in love with. I would *like* to have it finished by the December. And finally, I've applied for a job in (groans) airport security. The job sucks, but hey its much better money than Neiman.

In conclusion, Make Truth, Let Tell. Oh yeah, and No Compromise.

Insult to Injury

2006-04-17T12:56:00.000-07:00

As if to add insult to injury... Caleb kicked me out of the apartment last night. I am now a poor vagabond. I am homeless. For now I'm living on Campus until I can get another apartment aranged. Thank God for Zach, he's sticking with me even though it sucks for him. All in all, I've hit my rock bottom. But up from here looks encouraging, now that I've gotten almost all of the stuff thats been bothering me off my chest. Now only one thing remains left to be done, one piece of reconciliation, and I'll be satisfied with what has happened.
No Compromise.

2006-04-14T19:56:00.000-07:00

Many specific and notable events have helped shape my life. They've served as turning points, moments of discovery, and pushes, though they are often cataclysmic. But I must say, as far as complete shaking goes, last night, in all of its intricasies, takes the cake.

Water in the night

2006-04-04T20:01:00.000-07:00

I creid quietly, iluminated by the light of a dormitory I did not live in at a school I did not attend. I lamented the life I had chosen to live, the people I'd chosen, those I chrished, those I loved. I cursed cruel coincidence with all my being. Tear are beautiful, though. And crying feels good. Who cares about the passersby, let them stare. Me, on the bench, in the light pushing out the darkness. Here. And now, we move on...

The Sale

2006-04-01T23:28:00.000-08:00

The Sale

“Step right up, step right up. Hurry, hurry, hurry!” The man in the red velvety suit waved violently trying to command the attention of the confused biomass before him. “Its the Sale of the Century, never before have your eyes witnessed such as display!” The Man in Red's words rose and fell with emphasis as he spoke, gesturing from his platform to a display behind him, hidden from sight by a sheet to match his suit. Almost immediately, the outlandish man and his loud words had the crowd's attention and they gathered in to hear his spiel.

“Today we have a fine assortment of repossessed dreams, new dreams, old dreams, dreams of wealth, dreams of power. Dreams of fame that would make your eyes shine, and dreams of lust that would make your grandmothers blush. And most importantly, dreams of love and dreams of victory. These are the very best dreams, available for your inspection and acquisition today!”

The crowd murmured, talking amongst itself as it absorbed the Man in Red's introduction. A certain buzz of interest played over it, and the man smiled with added self-assurance. The Man in Red gestured again to the display behind him.

“Behind me lies all you ever wanted to dream of but couldn't,” the Man in Red raised his eyebrows. “Any takers?” He stepped back, crossing his arms and surveying his audience.

“Is it legal,” one woman towards the back shouted over the mass.

“Oh yes, perfectly legal,” the Man in Red smiled. “We and our process are newly recognized and sanctioned by the government. Any other questions?”

“How does it work,” a thin, middle-aged man wearing wire rimmed glasses asked.

“Well,” the Man in Red started, half chuckling, “I can't tell you the full ins and outs of the system, but... we have a newly patented process by which we remove the soul from the offending party and then rip the dream out from there. Then, once the vision is removed, we return the soul and send the unfortunate body about its, well, about its way anyway.” The Man in Red chuckled again as he delivered the last statement, and the crowd buzzed once again. He stepped back, and tore the curtain from its place, revealing over ten dozen capsules, looking like prize jelly cans on display at the fair. “What can I show you people?”

“Lets get down to what people really want to hear about and talk about dreams of wealth.” The voice that broke the surface tension of the crowd belonged to a very large man, complete with a stubbly goatee and connected mustache, and very red in the face. He stood in the middle of the throng and yet stood apart, surrounded by no one with his arms crossed.

The Man in Red stepped forward, pointing at the interested party. “Ah, an industrious man, I like that. Got to spend money to make money, eh?” He made a motion as if elbowing his customer and pulled a capsule from the top of the stack. “For you, sir, a prime dream. A vision, as it were, to attain fabulous wealth, and legally too! Its yours now for only ten Stacks.”

The large man seemed to consider this, then nodded, pulling ten rattling, bound Stacks from a bad on his back and lumbered through the parting crowd and dropped them on the stage. The Man in Red's smile broadened, the first sale of the day. Carefully, gingerly he handed the large man the capsule and then an instruction booklet as well. The large man look at both object, then nodded, pleased with his new investment as he broke back through the crowd and left.

“What happens to the donor anyway,” an unidentified voice asked.

“Ha ha, cute word, 'donor'. Well in answer, the hole fills. Fills with depression most generally. And the opposite of whatever we remove. For example,” the Man in Red searched for a second and then extracted another capsule from the display, “we extracted this dream last week from a soldier. Its a dream of courage, of such heroism! Now, the man is depressed in the desert, consumed by cowardice.” The Man in Red looked smug as he spoke, and to his delight the crowd seemed more sadistically amused than disgusted by the horror. A few sad souls broke from the group and walked away, bur plenty of opportunity remained. So many prospects! He looked up; it was time. He grinned another toothy grin, and spoke again.

“Now today, folks, I have something really special for you all: a deluxe dream. A special dream I extracted myself over the weekend. This dream has it all: wealth, power, fame, and love. And much more too! With this dream, i can't see how you could ever want for anything to desire again. Its the completion of the imagination, and it can all be yours. For eight Viles and ten Skulls you will never be lacking again. A bargain, if I do say so myself...”

“I'll take it,” screamed some woman in a terrible hat towards the front.

“No! It's mine,” shouted a man in a plaid suit and blue tie on the fringe.

“Don't listen to them, sell it to me...” said another, and another and another until the whole mass was shouting. Soon, the crowd became a riot, them a mob, with people clawing and punching their way forward, blood and bones in hand to make the payment and claim their prize. The Man in Red simply studied the chaos and adjusted his suit. Stroking his goatee, the grin returned. Yes, business would be good!

Bottom of a bottle

2006-02-21T23:22:00.000-08:00

He flopped down on the red, pleather covered barstool, propping his arms on the slate bar, hands clenched together. His white buttonup was untucked and wrinkled beyond the wear of the day.
"Tough day?" Asked the barkeep as he picked up the martini shaker he was working on and shook it furiously.
"Yeah, I guess. Yeah..." the guy trailed off. He didn't look all together as he sat their, dredging up the same painful fellings over and over. "You ever just fee like something's missing, like you're working towards goals and religion or whatnot, but it all seems like you're running in circles or something? "
"Sure, we all do", the keep popped the lid off the shaker and deftly tossed liquid across three glasses, spilling nothing. "Isn't this the point where you say 'I've got problems' and I say 'don't we all'? But seriously man, whats up?" The keep slid the unordered drink over to the newcomer and leaned against the bar, waiting for his response.
"There's this girl..." the man began.
"Yeah? What's with this girl? You dig her, or something? "
"I love her!" The man looked at the bartender with a wide eyed look, a look of desperation and hope, a look that spoke of a refusal to believe whatever had happened.
"Girls come and go man, don't let this chick get you down." The bartender turned, taking an order from another customer and reached behind him, grabbing a large bottle from behind him
"No no, you don't... you don't understand. You wouldn't understand." His words lowered down to a low mumble. Looking up, he took the drink offered him and took a big sip. The alcohol cleared his throat, and the man flinched, one eye twitching. "Mm, sharp", he commented, taking another sip. A toothy grin flashed over the bartender's face as he delivered his next drink.
"Yeah, I probably wouldn't understand. Never been in love myself. I like to keep the women at arms length, you know", he said with a laugh.
"Its like, I try my hardest to be everything for this girl. I'm her hankerchief when she cries, I'm her soapbox when she preaches, hell, I'm her punching bag when she's pissed. But I'm... I'm nothing!"
"Ahh", the barkeep mused, "things make more sense now. So you've known this girl for a while, huh?"
"Yeah, a little while", the man said into his glass as he finished his martini. "And I know, I know she doesn't want me, and usually I'm ok with that, as long as she's happy. But every now and then, she does something spectacular, and I fall in love with her all over again."
"She's something pretty special, eh?"
"I think she is. A lot of people dismiss her, but its the girl underneath all the frivolities that I fell in love with. I feel like I'm running in circles. Like, hope and despair both cling to me and I can't run one way or the other without ending back where I started. Hope and despair."
"Well man, there's really only one thing I can tell you here. And listen close, 'cause this advice here's free but priceless, ya ready? Ok: STOP TRYING. Stop trying so hard man, stop killing yourself over this. Either she'll see you for what you're trying to be for her or she won't, but running into the same brick wall over and over hoping for a different result each time is stupid."
"Stop.... trying...", the man repeated, whistfully. He raised his head, afixing a vacant stare to the bottle wrack behind the bar. He blinked a few times, and then gave the smallest of nods. "Thats what I needed to hear, I think."
"Hehe no problem, but the next session's gonna cost ya you know. Want another drink?"
"No, I think I'm good. " The man stood up off the barstool and arched his back. He rolled his shoulders, tossed a twenty on the bar, and walked out with wisdom that came from the bottom of a bottle.

Twisted

2006-01-07T14:58:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's the wrong decision... I dunno, but tomorrow I move back to Longview through a twisted turn of fate. I'll be living with Caleb, looking for a full time job, and working on starting our place there. This is the most impulsive thing I've done in my entire life... I started thinking about it on Tuesdat.
Deus Vult.

Baka

2006-01-04T03:33:00.000-08:00

What a fool I am

I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
So why are you running away?
Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
...What is it I've got to say...
So why are you running away?
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?

wow

2005-12-30T00:06:00.000-08:00

well that was itneresting..... God called me to talk to this guy at this party who was doubting his faith, I leave, then the cops bust the party I WAS at. Wow!

I suppose I should tell those of yall who actually read my blog that Im not going to a foreign country. I volunteered, but they "didn't have room on any deployments". Soooo I'm backin Austin. Stuck getting a job, getting away from my parents, and getting happy again. Good luck to me. But hey, maybe this meens I can actually pursue a real relationship again. perhaps.

No compromise.

The wide horizon

2005-12-08T10:18:00.000-08:00

Lo, what surprises await beyond the horizon? My field training exercise was from 30 Nov - 9 dec, but here I am today. I won't spell it out for you, I'll leave that for your collective imaginations, but many surprises await. Ja Ne, all.
No Compromise.

Relatively good week

2005-11-23T09:38:00.000-08:00

Well things aren't going against me, so it must be a relatively good week! Lesse, I got my laptop (its beautiful!!), I got a 280/300 on my PT test (I think), I finished class today, and I get a four day weekend starting tomorrow! Nothing bad has happened this week! There may even be other exciting surprises on the horizon by the end of the day, we'll see. All I gotta do now is do a little camping and Im back to Texas.

Very sad

2005-11-17T15:27:00.000-08:00

These days I get almost as much internet time as I want, perhaps not the most legitimately, but I still do. The problem is, I can't remember what I used to DO on the internet for hours at a time! I actually get BORED by it! It kinda frightens me, like I'm breaking away from my roots or something.

On a separate note, I bought a laptop Wensday, it should get here Monday. Makes me muy happy (its like 3.5 times faster than my desktop). Also, I have like 4 class days left, 10 FTX days and an assortment of rather "nothing" days. 27 days total till I come back. I'm thrilled. Joy.
Deus Vult.

2005-11-08T17:42:00.000-08:00

This is the theme song given to me by my platoon. Its How Could I FOrget - The Faint

introverted boy
you are interesting,
boy you think you're intellectual
but no one's talking to you now

I might be an introvert to you,
a shallow fashionista
deep as any paper plate
dressed just like the girl beside you

how could I forget a waste of cloth
of course, I do remember
on the back deck drunk and awkward
I think we accidently met

I know you've got some place to get to
and I really got to get somewhere
remember when I said that Vincent had some tickets for me there

how could I forget a waste of breath
of course, I do rememberall the things you said were pointless
now you go on dropping names

I found it sadly somehow true... especially here. Ah well, its good music.

Monday

2005-11-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

You KNOW its gonna be a bad monday, and thus a bad week when halfway through the day you turn to your partner, confused and ask, "Is it still Monday???" while absolutely convinced that its at LEAST tuesday if not wensday. Yeeah, bad. Then, you ever have one of those moments when you are tired, pissed and can't take the stress anymore and you say exactly whats on your mind to the person thats bothering you? Its a bad thing, right, usually leads to problems. Well its a million times worse when the person you snap at is your drill sergeant. I eat at the end of the company for the rest of the month. But the good news is we have a short week this week, a four day weekend, a short week next week because of the four day weekend, and then a three day week after that and ANOTHER four day weekend! Then just a few weeks left after that. Man, I can't believe its been over a month since I came to Longview! Its interesting how time works sometimes. Anyway, I should get back to work.
No Compromise.

Weekend = boredom

2005-11-05T18:25:00.000-08:00

Yeah, its the weekend and yeah, we don't have class, but Im bored out of my head! Even my laptop full of SNES games has disillusioned me. Bla... not much to do here for people willing to spend moneis, much less those who aren't. Yall people should call me or whatnot. OR something. Ill go wander for a while I guess.

This was interesting

2005-11-04T10:22:00.000-08:00

So I was watching the news this afternoon and I saw an interview with Anne Rice. But this was far different from any other interview I'd ever seen with her. It turns out that Anne Rice, renound horror/erotic fantast/erotic horror novelist has become a Christian. The interview was to promote her new book, which is called "Christ the Lord - Out of Egypt", about Jesus and his time in Egypt. She says she plans to write books exploring hte life of God on earth through various perspectives. She also said she was heavily influenced in this plan my Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" and believes that it is God's time for a new revival of sorts. Well I just thought that was pretty cool.
No Compromise.

Im 20

2005-10-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

Yup, its my birthday. Most uneventful birthday I've ever had. And mostly, I'm sore, cause theres a lot of people in my platoon more than happy to wish me a happy birthday in the army style: beating the shit out of me!

If I do anything else with the army, I think I have decided I must get married. Doubles the paycheck! Separation pay plus foreign pay plus hazardous duty pay... Mmmm lots more money. So I am now taking candidates for a wife: apply within.

Today we had a ceramony where our platoon became the senior platoon in the company. Our drill sergeants and the senior drill sergeant took our platoon out to this cave in the middle of nowhere in the mountains and handed off the Company Guide-on. They then gave us like 40 minutes to play around in the area. The cool thing about this cave was that we had free reign to go anywhere in it and explore. It was a faily expansive cave, me and another guy followed this crawl tunnel for about a quarter mile. It was pretty cool.
No Compromise

The secret to happiness is not getting shanked by your "husband" in prison

2005-10-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

First things first, I do not support this or any of Prest's "helpful" comments. My Blog address is no longer being told to ANYONE in the bay. Ever.

Ok part 2. Heard a great quote today. A sergeant teacher today said "You know what the problem at Abu Grabe (phoenetic) was? They took fucking pictures, what the fuck? I mean, fuck!" Made me laugh. A lot.

Other than that... lesse, I turn 20 this week. Friday to be exact. And Im learning Serbian, thats interesting. Uhhhh 20 days of class left!! Makes me happy. Thats about all I think.
No Compromise

Welcome to the suck

2005-10-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

Was thinking about Erin, and the breaking down of our relationship and stuff. I have no regrets, and it was a really good thing it happened and stuff, but still. This was something from the end of last semester, and it came to mind:

"I Remember"
Do you ever wonder where
We would be if we'd have triedA little harder
It seems like yesterday
That we were making plans
For the future
But it's been so long
Since I have known the truth
These dreams we've left abandoned
And I'm haunted by your face
And the memory of your kisses
Sweet kisses

Do you remember?
I still remember so much
I remember never feeling so alive
Do you remember?
I still can't forget your touch
We swore that we would never end
We knew our love transcend space and time

Do you remember?
I still remember so much
I remember never feeling so alive
Do you remember?
I still can't forget your touch
We swore that we would never end

These memories slip away
The ghost of what we were
Is fading
But there is no more pain
Which is funny 'cause that night
I was dying, I was dying
Now I don't even recognize
The girl I swore that somedayI would marry
But I can't forget her face
And I can't forget her kisses
Sweet kisses

Do you remember?
I still remember so much
Or how we swore that we would never be alone
Do you remember?
I still remember so much
I remember never feeling so alive
Do you remember?
'Cause I still remember so much
We swore that we would never end
We knew our love transcend space and time
Do you remember?
God I remember so much

Another Army Day

2005-10-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

We woke this morning at the crack of 3 am. Now for someone who has been fatigued for no good reason and had to pull duty the night before, that meant less than 4 hours of sleep, which was no good. The Old Rowe at LU or even in Austin could have handled that with ease, but thats not so easy here. So what could draw us from our bunks and out into formation in "full battle rattle" in the quite frigid morning on this Friday? Well the Drills for one thing, but besides that, it was Range Day! We went to the firing range all day. And I do mean all day. We were there for 0400 to 1930. Personally, I was shooting from about 5 am to 8:30. I laid about 58 rounds downrange and qualified on my first try. So that meant that I had 11 hours of a lot of nothing at the range with all my gear on, not allowed to sleep. Blarg. But hey, I shot better than I did at Basic.

In class we just finished our final and dreaded report writing test. Basically we perform an interview/interrogation and have like 3.5 hours to write an official report on it. But the good news is that report writing is over and theres only 21 class days left. I actually have 8 weeks left here, so the rest of the time is filled by our field training exercise, weekends, and other training crap. But its close, and its all downhill from here. I really look foward to being a lot less in Arizona and back in Texas.

The end of the world is near. Babylon (bagdad area) has fallen, there are storms and earthquakes and general turmoil throughout the world. And the funny thing is that after I had a 2.5 hr coversation about this and prophesy with a friend of mine from Austin, a guy from my platoon who have NEVER talked about anything religious or the Bible or anything comes up to me and says, hey you read the Bible right? Doesn't it look like the apocolyps from the Bible is coming? He then goes to explain what he means, citing almost every thing me and my friend discussed. It was kind of an awe moment, especially since I do not believe in coincidence.

Well its a weekend, I have a pull off post pass and nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no one to do "nothing" with. That sucks =P. I miss having people here certinaly. I look foward to seeing all of you again... soon...
No Compromise.

A lyrical place

2005-10-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

jkain45: Woe is me, for what I sad and lonely knave am I! For what, if fare, if left be the world given to me on a platter? Is it not all for naught if I lack that which I crave? Oh dear and dearest soul, shall I not crave for thee beyong mortal realms?
Laurkins: very nice
Laurkins: is that shakespeare?
jkain45: Nah I pulled it out of my ass

Made me laugh. Whether others find it as amusing... *shrugs*. Later all.

Revalation

2005-10-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

I learned something today: sometimes friendship has to be sacrificed for the wellbeing of a person. Take, for example, Private Johnothan Douglass; after today, he will probably pass the course, but we may never be friends again. But my sacrifice of our friendship means that he will not do something that would totally screw him over for the rest of his life. Its an interesting concept to consider, since I've alway placed such a high emphasis on the friendship, on the relationship. But relationships never end; they may metamorph into something better or something not as good, but they never end. I will always be connected to Douglass, even if he despises me. Definately something to think on for the rest of life's st\icky situations.

Arizona's a nice place to live, but I wouldn't want to visit here

2005-10-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Well for those of you who've been asking, my graduation date is 15 December 2K5. Know what that means? It means my class has been extended a week. Stupid Colonels and their scheduling problems. They should spend less time up their secretary's skirt and more time planning the school schedules around here. That means my class is going to have a week where we sit in class from 8 to 5 doing nothing. But no, we can't leave, we have to LEARN! Bla, this place is getting old. Very old. Less than 40 class days left though. Report writings almost done, one more test sometime this week. We quality with the M-16s this week too sometime. I think its this week anyway.... this or next. Definately in October. Lesse... I turn 20 in 12 days. Oh boy. And now... on to more productive sunday afternoon activities. No Compromise.

Falling Away from me

2005-10-15T16:06:00.000-07:00

Its dumb that I have to learn the same lessons over and over and over again. When will I learn that my life spinning in a seemlying haphazard manner is NORMAL? When will I learn that I do not, in fact have the ability to allign it? Maybe it'll stick this time. A thought for the day then:

to be loved
is like a harbor in a storm
to be anchored so securely at the heart
you cant be torn
to be love is just what every life
would give their life to be
held just once
for one who would not leave
to be loved
is what we need
christs love
is what we need

I'm in a writing mood... maybe more will follow this week. Anyway, Deus Vult.

Sanity comes in the form of a kick to the balls

2005-10-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

Thursday night came, my tests were over, we were released for the day, I was packed, and I was going to Longview in the morning! The the other foot dropped; I had 12 hour Quarters Check (CQ) from 1900 that evening to 0700 friday morning. Well that was annoying but doable, so I threw my BDUs back on and started my CQ shift. At approximately 2030, two people entered the bay. The two wore barretts with no unit flash, private rank, and a "phase badge", which every private must wear over their left pocket to show what privelages they have. The two were, of course, Drill Sergeants incognito. The both told me to shut up, sit down, and do not alert the rest of the bay to their pressence. So they walked into our day room, which has a TV and people hook up Xboxes to and game. No one noticed them when they went in and they sat there for about 15 minutes before Drill Sergeant Barker blew their cover. Why did he blow the cover? Well that would be because he was handed a controler (they were playing Black Hawk Down) and proceeded to lose. Badly. How did he blow the cover? He threw the controler at one guy and told him about his lifestyle, hobbies, finances, work habbits, and associates. Hehe that was really great.

Ok anyway we jump foward a bit. At approximately 0200, I heard a loud noise from outside the bay. Carefully, I opened the bay door and looked out. Across the street there was a HUGE fight going on. It looked like a little more than 200 people going at it, and this wasn't no nice and friendly game, people were gettin' messed up. What happened was 1st platoon had graduated that night and hit the bars pretty hard. When they got back someone from Charlie Company said something one of them took as derrogatory, and the shit hit the fan. There were 180 (Big company) from Charlie involved and 80 (REALLY big platoon) from 1st platoon involved. 5 MPs, 2 MPI vans, 4 ambulances, a plethera of drill sergeants.... it was a mess. But it kept the drill sergeants of my ass alllll night. Which was a good thing. And thats the Army story of the day.

Send me love in literary form

2005-10-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, I guess I've done enough complaining lately. And thing have been better... that is to say they haven't gotten any worse. And again on the bright side, we got our stuff and privelages back, which makes me much more at ease, since I AM GOING TO LONGVIEW IN 5 DAYS! Still got my freakin' cought, but it slowly, veeery slowly dwindles away. And my class is now in the heart of Report Writing, the bane of this course. Its... hard. I must admit, its harder than I thought it would be. WE do inteview/interrogations all morning and write reports from 1330 till 2100. Much much suckage. The test is on thursday and I'm actually worried about this.

Ok amusing story. Last night was an interesting little night that partialy left me asking "why the hell am I here??". Last night I was wondering around after getting out of saturday class at 1800. I ran into a friend of mine who was going to a movie, so I sporratically decided to tag along. So we picking up his super hic friend from Illinois and got on a cab. This cab ride will alwyas be remembered as the Infamous Overpacked 45 Minute Cab Ride of WTF. The cabs here are mostly 10 seater vans, and me, Denta and the hic were all on the second to last row. We picked up another girl (slut)our platoon who announced she was getting married, much to all of out surprise. Turns out she was not satisfied with her paycheck, so she called one of her best friends from home (who is also in the army) and suggested they get married so they could collect separation pay (doubles the paycheck). We all just had to shake our heads at her (although it was an alluring possibility.... doubled paycheck.... hmmm....). Anyway, we went to a hotel a picked a couple of girls up. Now we could tell they'd been drinking before they got on the van, and when they got on it was incredibly obvious that they were incredibly drunk. Only one of them at a time could remember where they were going. One girl was holding a cigarette, and I took it out of her hand completely without her noticing (she thought she had dropped it). Anyway, both girls spend the entire 20 minutes they were in the van hitting on and propositioning me and Denta (trying to get us to go back to their hotel with them). They had COME from another hotel with another guy. It was somewhere in-between hillarous and really sad. So we FINALLY got to the mall, after many choice words with the cab driver about 15 minutes late, so we ended up seeing a different movie than we'd planned. We saw Flight Plan, which was a decent movie. But you could totally tell what half of the movie theater was army people... there was a scene where the woman accuses these arab guys of conspiring to highjack the plan, and the army half of the theater was shouting racial slurs, hes a terrorist, or swearing at him in arabic... so so funny. Ok so then we head back to the barracks. On the way back we take a bus, also packed full of army people. I was sitting by some people from another company making small talk about our job, and about things that had happened. The girl sitting next to me was in bondage pants, black gaming shirt, chains, fishnets, bracers, etc. Annnnnd throughout the course of the conversation I got propositioned AGAIN! Never have I been propositioned so many times in one night. Conclusion? Army girls are dirty. But it was still funny. Anyway, must get off and do report writing homework. Prayer is still appreciated, especially for the cough, it makes a lot of things hard and makes people in the barracks yell at me. I will see most of you in a week!
Deus Vult.

Running is the BEST cure when you're sick!

2005-09-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

I thought things would get better with a new week.... but I was wrong. I woke up early monday morning shivering. I had bad chills, a heavy fever. Went to sick call, and they didn't even have me go inside, they just gave me tylanol, cough syrup, and sudophed and sent me on my way. Took all the meds and felt chemically better.... at least until the cough syrup and sudophed had a psychoactive reaction in me, leaving me high and drowsy for class. Yea, I didn't get better though. On Tuesday, the Drill said that "Running is the BEST cure when you're sick". yeah, I spent the run coughing, gagging and light headed... I was also 1/4 a mile BEHIND everyone else. I had to drop out of the german trials because of this too. I still have it just as bad today. And tonight our platoon fucked up and we lost all our privelages. Yea it sucks, but so what you say, right? Well if we don't get them back in less than 2 weeks, the plan tickets I bought for Longview are worthless, Im out money and I don't get to visit. Im emotionally tired, broken, and misserable. Right now, I'm somewhat hopeless. I NEED all the prayer yall can give me right now, Im at the end of my rope.
Suspense.

I am the Butt-end of the Cosmic Joke

2005-09-17T20:46:00.000-07:00

And I thought it would get better with the weekend - haha thats funny. No. Homework all night friday, class half the day Saturday, cleaning the other half, and it seems I have an upper respiratory infection, bad for many reasons two of which being 1: Theres a 5 mile battalion run on monday and 2: the GafB German Physical Excellence trials begin on tuesday and they'd kick my ass WITHOUT me being ill. And the dreaded report-writing portion of our course is about to start. This is the portion of our course that fails the most people. I hate complaining like this, but I'm really just so physically and emotionally draining that all the optimism I've held up in my has washed out, like wine from a cracked goblet. Pray for me all...

On a lighter note, out *former* bay boss (he got fired, hehe) gave everyone a surprise the other night. He came into the bay with a bag, proveeded to strip, put on a dress and wig and fake boobs and run around like that. It was terrifying... he looked like an incredibly ugly female, but he definately looked female. Well the Drill Sergeant was out playing football with most of the platoon (which I thought was pretty cool, even though I wasn't playing). So as Simons runs out in drag, he runs right into the Drill. All he could muster to say was "don't ask don't tell" in a question manner. I don't think he's rewally gay, but it was really funny. Anyway, longview soon awaits me! I just bought tickets to come to Longview over my next 4-day weekend in October. Sooo I'll see some of you then.

No Compromise.

Quote of the day: "I leapt out of bed, like a gay Batman impersonater on his way to Robin's Anal Virginity Party."

2005-09-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

Its been an off week. Off as in out off kilter, out of synch, dissonant, not great. Too much going on maybe. *sigh* Its just been a draining week. They made us move bays for one thing. We had to pack up all our crap, and move EVERYTHING in the bay. Now we're in smaller bays, which means we have to pull night time duty twice as much. That coupled with the fact that we have so much light outside the bay caused sleep to me minimal this week. That makes class suck. And even when I DO sleep I have bizzarre dreams. Toss in being stupid and stuff... its been so wierd. "Sort your fucking life out mate!" Says the roommate in Shawn of the Dead... and thats what I gotta do... sort myself out. Crazy stuff.... psychotic week. Enough rambling. Later persons who frequent.

If people fall dead all around, should you be more interested in the fact that people are dying or the fact that you're still alive

2005-09-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

Well I guess its been a while since I've hauled my ass up here to write a post. Its been a semi-eventful past couple weeks actually. Most of you know I got me a new cell phone and lost my old phone book which sucked, so I've been slowly rebuilding it over the past couple weeks. And on that note, we did get our privelages back and have thus far managed not to lose them again. Last weekend we got a four day weekend for labor day, and me, Douglas, Kenisten, and one other guy went to "Phoenix" for the weekend. Without getting into the details (nothing terrible) of what happened and why, it was a great weekend, it left me quite happy.

Ahhh... oh yeah. Then tuesday came and we had to go back to PT every morning and 8-9 hours of class every day. We had like 3 tests this week, but besides that it was a good week for two reasons. Three actually. First off, it was a short week; we started on tuesday and had a half day on friday. Two, well most of you knew a Rowe at LU that no one was quite sure how he maintained ANY GPA... well here I hold a 3.987(repeating). Ive gotten above 97 on every test but the first, and got hundreds on both Military Intelligence Law tests this week. The final reason.... is mine, and I'm not sharing. Hah. No, joking, I'd say.... just not on the interweb on my public blog.

Lesse, amusing stuff... last week I was awoken to the sound of a fire alarm and the bay evacuating. We got out, the smell of smoke following us out of the building. 3 fire trucks, 2 ambulances and 2 MP cars arived on the scene less than 5 minutes after the alarm went off, putting all our minds at ease at their reaction time. As the suited firefighters rushed into our bay, there was some snickering in our formation... it seemed some new more about what was going on then they were willing to admit. Well the firefighters come out a moment later and throw a black smoldering SOMETHING on the ground and shake their heads, waving a finger at us in a "naughty naughty" sort of fashion. The object he had thrown on the ground was a bag of popcorn. The idiot had put the bad in the microwave for something like 12 minutes, and when he took it out and opened it, it caught on fire. So we got to wait outside for the Drill Sergeant to come and "clear" the situation. According to the fire dudes we had to wait an hour and a half for the smoke to clear. An hour and a half of our very limited and very precious sleep time. Lets just say that little Dewy "popcorn" Hancock slept less than anyone else for the next couple nights, hehe.

Something else... ok I know! Over the 4 day weekend Douglas and the others chose to go to a strip club after they'd consumed some adult beverages. Ok, in all reality Douglas was fucked up. Im on another floor when they get back, and its not till the morning that I hear the whole story. Aparently Douglas has one stripper that he really likes (he actually spend like 400 dollars on her). Well he gets a dance from her, sits down, and throws up all over himself. Exactly what happened after that I'm not really sure, but somehow he got himself cleaned up again... but the situation and the setting in which that happened made me laugh. Yes, I live with immoral messed up people.

So much goes on here, its really hard to pick and chose what to put! This has been and will continue to be a very eventful experience. Just gotta watch out how I let it shape me. Later yall.

No Compromise.

"Words... words.... words.... looks up/nods WORDS!"

2005-08-26T18:53:00.000-07:00

Bla this week sucked. It started off monday by the Drill Sargeant coming into our bay, fucking it up (more) and taking away our stuff (our civilian cloths, electronics, ability to go off post...). So effectively our platoon has been "dishonored" and thus stripped of privelages. Soooo no one's really happy about that, but most of them don't seem to be unhappy enough to actually DO something. Its the same 5 people every day who sweep, mop, and buff the floor. Even now, looking at the weekend and a promise from the drill sargeant that we will get our stuff back if the bay is clean tomorrow they do nothing! Gah the stupid fags piss me off.

But does it end there? NO! On Wensday our guidon (platoon flag) was stolen from our guideon bearer in the DFAC (caffeteria). Now this is one of those "military things" that happens, someone steals a guideon, the platoon has to pay for it with PT and whatnot and often theres relatiation against the thieves. Now a bunch of guys in our platoon decided it would be a good idea to go and steal the thieving platoon's COMPANY guideon and hold it hostage till ours was returned. So they steal it fairly well, but what they didn't know was that as they were going out, the guideon bearer was coming back with our guideon after having paid for it with pushups... he was also told not to retaliate. A bit late for that! Sooooo a already too long story short, a bunch of people, a lot of which weren't even involved, ended up getting smoked for it and we got another "black mark" against our platoon. I really HATE dealing with these stupid people!

Oh yea, and as a last note I finally got tired of dealing with the stupid people not cleaning their shit up so I dumped a particularly slovenly idiot who is never on top of anything's bunk. He was pissed, more than a little bit. I lied, one more - my cell phone broke and now only receives calls, I can't make them, so I gotta get a new phone next time I get to go off base. *sigh* its been a bad week. But on the up side, its gone by really fast, and next week promises to go by just as quickly. Also we get a 4 day weekend for Labor Day which rocks (though I don't get to go back to Texas at all). Anyway, I'm rambling too much. Anyone who has an inclination can call me after like 8:30 or whatnot. Im out.

Deus Vult.

The monotony begins!

2005-08-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

Well I knew it would happen eventually, and that time has come. My life here has become monotonous. Pretty much all of the novelty has completely worn off now and the mindless dragging routine begins. Well we have 15 class days, 2 tests, and 3 excercises down. Only like 76 class days left! Class is through with being interesting and it caught up in how to do paperwork! I'm experiencing interesting moments where I write several complete sentenses while asleep that make zero sense - its at least humorous.

So I hang out with two people primarily: Douglas and Kenisten. Douglas is the most anti-black person I know, always talking down black self-defined superiority, ridiculing the ACLU and making black jokes. Funny thing is, he's black. Its really funny actually. The other guy, Kenisten is a hardcore Objectivist. For those of you who don't know, Objectivism is VERY anti-religion, and our friendship is pretty much centered around talking philosophy (iow, arguing).

Anyway, I shoudl get back to the bay and do my homework before I crash - talk to you peoples later.

Deus Vult.

Oh my....

2005-08-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

Report from class: I've comfirmed that it is true, in some things ignorance is bliss O_O

117 days and counting...

Freedom in a cell

2005-08-12T23:05:00.000-07:00

Well tonight I got my Phase 5+ , which means I get all my electronics back and I get all the right and privelages therewithin. I can go off post now (yay). Not sure if I'll actually use it much, but hey if I wanna get outta here I can. Classes are.... interesting. Very. Interesting. Very. Hehe. Yes, you should all be worried.

Ok.... off my power trip. Other stuff thats happened... I took and actually passed a PT test. The messed up thing is that after a year of sitting on my ass and doing relatively nothing and at an elevation of 5000 ft, I ran over a minute faster than my last PT test. Wierd.... I ran a 14.20 2 mile. Makes me happy.

After classes end... I'm bored. BORED! But hey... well, no, there really not any "but hey" to say. Im getting a tattoo I think... a symbol of owed and demanded sacrifice with the word "Justified" underneath. Eh off to bed for saturday classes. Night persons.

126 days and counting...

2005-08-05T18:28:00.000-07:00

Wow its been a busy week! So I started classes on Tuesday! Its cool stuff. And they issued me a laptop for use in the course. Soooo I"m in 8 hours of class every day, and its a reeeally good thing its interesting or I'd go crazy.

Other stuff of interest: they're taking away the privelage phases. THat means that I'll get all my stuff I "dont have" back and be able to go off post and stuff. I'm totally stoked about that - its gonna make my time here a lot more enjoyable. So that's all happy and stuff.

*sigh* its the return of V-man, master and commander of the V-squad. Yes, that fact has come out here and the perverbial shit has hit the fan. BUt this time I've got the gumption to kick some ass when they give me crap about it. I push on.

Its really cool to see how God is working things out for me here. You know, I had a lot of problems getting here, and I was starting to wonder if HE wanted me to stay in the army or this job. But now that I'm here, seemingly insurmountable barriers just crumble away before my training. My clearance was processed in 2 day while others had been waiting for up to 2 months. I got into class within a week of being here while others have been waiting up to 3 months. THe list goes on and on. It really makes me wonder why God had me wait until NOW to go.... what was I (He) waiting for... I've thought of a few things, but I still wonder. ANyway, enough rambling for now.

Deus Vult.

p.s. 126 days till I come home. Thats 17 weeks, 6 days!
p.s.s. Heres my address for those of you who want it.... feel free to send me crap (do not actually send me fecal matter of any kind).

PFC Rowe
F Co. 3rd PLT 309th MI BN
Ft. Huachuca, AZ 85613

RAIN

2005-07-31T19:57:00.000-07:00

Well here I am sitting in the PX while it rains outside. When I say it rains, I mean I can't see out the front window, and theres the most impressive display of cloud to ground lightening I've ever seen! Its WET! So yeah, we're gonna try to wait it out. Had my first weekend here, and I was quite pleased by it. The weekends, it turns out, belong to us. We can do pretty much whatever we want, which is awesome. Saturday night I had 12 hr Fireguard though, which meant that from 1900 saturday to 0700 sunday morning me and another guy had to sit up, stay awake and do virtually nothing. THAT sucked. WEll, besides that I really have nothing else to report. I'll write more later.

Deus vult.

Arizona

2005-07-30T11:39:00.000-07:00

Well, believe it or not, I made it to Arizona. I got in eeeearly Wensday morning (3 am) just in time to make my bunk and sleep for 30 minutes before wakeup and morning PT. Just great. OH and I learned something interesting about this place. So, like, its Arizona. Hot, right? Well aparently we're in the beginning of the Monsoon season. It rains like a BITCH here every day. I mean like serious rain, but a rain that leaves no humidity (so cool). And theres an almost constant wind to cool things off. If and I say IF the sun actually comes out, yea, it gets hot, but sofar its been nicer than it ever is in Texas summer. Then there was the issue of being at 12K elevation above sea level. I expected a serious running problem, but low and behold on our first 3 mile run I breath BETTER here then I ever did in Texas or S. Carolina.

Sofar I haven't really done anything here. Since my classes don't start till next week, I do a lot of sitting around, sleeping, reading,etc and a little bit of detail work. But the sucky part is that I do not have my phone, CD player, etc. This place works in phases, and I'm basically stuck on base all the time without any of my electronics for four weeks. Gla. Ah well. Least I had a chance to run to the mini mall on base and pay for a bit of internet time. As always I appreciate prayer and I hope all yall have a good end of summer. Catch yall later.

Deus vult.

....second thought

2005-07-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

Something said in the barracs last night that merits repeating...
(Me): ...egos build, exaserbating the situation."
(guy1): what the fuck, you want me to masturbate? How's that gonna help??"
(Me): EXASERBATE you moron"
(guy1): ::yelling:: Hey, who here knows what exaserbate means?"
(guy2): Isn't that where they pull the tube out of your throat?"
(Me): ::sigh::

The same guy later:

(me): ::answering some question about basic training::
(guy1): Hey why are you dressed like that ( I was wearing street cloths)?"
(me): I'm wearing civvies to travel in."
(guy1): Civvies?? Haha you wearing your scivies? Civvies and scivies! Hey, they rhyme! Hounddog(black wannabe rapper in our company) c'mere, I got a rap for you!"

The same guy later let this guy draw on him - the guy drew a huge smiley-face on his check with nipples for eyes, drew a "be happy/join the army" smily face on his back, and a naked woman on his arm. The guy then went around try to whore his arm out for the rest of the night. I got pictures, I'll post em eventually.

Those were fun. And the guy was totalyl serious too (idiot). Anyway, feel free to call me after like 6 (1800), I'm gonna be bored a lot prolly.

Fun with Drill Sarg!

2005-07-26T14:23:00.000-07:00

Weekly favorite drill sargent quote: "I'm gonna tear your eyeballs out and skullfuck you till your momma cries if you don't shut the fuck up!"

Well yall, they actually succeeded in shipping me this time. Those of you who are used to seeing me lurking around the interweb probably noticed my very notable abscence over the past week. Oh gods, its only been a week... !

I've been at Ft. Leonerdwood in Missouri processing my clearance. The sucky thing is that I was attached to a reception battalion. Reception battalions are for little basic trainees before basic, so basically they're treated like shit. And does being a phase II (meaning I've completed basic) exempt me from this torment? No! So its effin' basic training all over again. I hate those immature little kids, geez! But hey, since monday I at least was treated special since I was shipping out and they were not. Buuuuuuut thats all behind me now. Currently I'm sitting in an airport in Missouri waiting for a flight. I'll be at Ft. Huachuca in Arizona by eeeearly tomorrow morning and begin training on the first. FINALLY I'll get this thing behind me. I'm lookin' at 19 weeks of training and getting back mid December. Prayer is always appreciated =).

Deus vult.

Angel and the Bartender

2005-07-14T00:13:00.000-07:00

Ok several people said I should post this here so I guess I will.... sorry its really long and another "art" dump!

Angel and a Bartender

It was Saturday night, and the town was in full swing. But despite the party atmosphere of the district, the bar was fairly empty. Several regulars, but not the usual flow of bar hoppers and kids. Carl smiled. Well, he thought, its less cash but at least I won’t have to deal with that shit tonight! He liked to think of his place as a classier place than most in the area. Carl was forty-two, he’d be working at the Horned Halo for close to eighteen years now, ever since he was laid off from his management job for Ford. He wore all black, slacks and a button-up shirt, matching his hair minus where he had begun graying respectively, his hair well trimmed and his face closely shaved. A smile that would win no hearts on its own was given power by his mirth within. As he polished glasses and checked his bottles, waiting for orders, he surveyed the bar that he considered his bar. The chairs, the tables, even the mahogany bartop he had the place buy shined with attentive care in polishing. On the small stage in the back where a long guitarist, a remnant from the age of rock n’ role mimicked a riff that would’ve made Jimmy Hendrix proud, and Carl smiled once again. Reaching to the crystal ashtray to his right, he lighted his cigarette to his mouth, taking a hefty drag, exhaling the smoke through his nose. It was going to be a good night!

He loved coming here. To this place so often full of human decadence. But no matter, he loved to come here to watch. Tonight was special, he knew he would see something amazing and new! Something unprecedented that would perhaps even stir excitement in his being! Iyov closed his eyes and hovered a few inches off the ground. After a moment, he chose a direction and flew, and found himself at the door of the Horned Halo. A laugh burst forth from his gut, so sudden that he fell those few inches to the ground. Around him, demons looked up from their work, startled, squawking insults and obscenities towards him as he laughed. Iyov regained his composure, smoothing his ponytail and straightening his trench coat as he walked in. A couple Zayin-class demons hissed at him as he entered, but nothing would dampen his mood tonight, and he would not be goaded into a fight. Looking around, Iyov made his way slowly towards the bar. As he approached, a fresh tall glass of the darkest beer was place on the bartop. Iyov smiled at his fortune, reaching out and taking the glass. But as soon as he had touched it a perfect spiritual replica of the glass appeared in his hand, leaving the original where it lay. Iyov took the farthest left stool against the wall, leaning against it as he watched and listened to the goings on of the bar. He sipped from his glass, which was of course nothing to him, the liquid was tasteless as it was substanceless to him. But he loved to feel as if he was part of the scene, as if he actually belonged instead of existing as an outside observer. Putting down the glass, Iyov pulled a cigarette from the barkeep’s back and lit it, taking a drag as he watched the humans. Human men hitting on women, women flirting back, both no doubt planning on ending in fornication. But judgement was not his job; his job was to observe. A rumbling from his realm startled him and he looked with a start as a very tall and unhappy demon lumbered over to him.
“This is my place and you are not welcome here! Begone Godling!”, the brude bellowed, hatred bubbling beneath his flesh, which didn’t look too good. Green pustules bubbles all over his skin, some popped and oozing some filth that only H.G. Geiger could have dreamed up.
“Peace demon. I am merely an observer. What are you called? I am known as Iyov”.
“Iyov?” The demon laughed, ooze spilling from what once may have been a handsome face. “What a fitting name for one as pathetic as you. I am Lekh Teda. You have trouble in my realm and I will crush you Godling.”
“A fair warning,” Iyov muttered, just loud enough to be heard as he surveyed the larger demon, “But I am simply here to watch as I said.” Lekh Teda sneered and left in the direction he came in, spitting in the angel’s direction as he left. Iyov sighed, he had worried for a second. Now, back to his cigarette. Spiritual cigarettes don’t ash themselves to death. He smiled and took another drag.

The bell over the door rang, and Carl looked up, smiling to see a newcomer walk in and walk straight to the bar. The man had clearly seen better days. Everything about him looked disheveled and his eyes… Carl had never seen redder eyes. His five o’ clock shadow have become a 12 am beard and his nice work clothes looked like hell under his brown overcoat.
“Shot of whisky, and keep ‘em comin’”, the man muttered, staring down at the bar. Carl looked at the man. He was clearly upset, but hey, who didn’t have problems. He handed the man his first drink. The man took the glass and stared into its amber surface.
“Damn it”, he muttered as the downed the glass, slamming it against the bar. “I hate whisky”. He looked down again and sighed as he waited for his next drink.
“What’s your name”, Carl asked, trying to pry his bartending fingers into this man’s problems. God, I must be massochistic the way I chase after other people’s problems, he thought with a smirk. He set the second shot down in front of the man. There was no answer, the man was too lost in his glass as he nerved himself up to down it. A second later it too was empty.
“Fuck God…” the man said.

Well this is interesting, but certainly nothing new, thought Iyov as he sat watched the newcomer walk in, sit and take his first two drinks. “Though it will be interesting to see how this plays out to the end”, he muttered to himself. A moment later he heard the man’s blasphemous obscenity, and for a second Iyov’s eyes flickered up, as if seeing if God Himself had something to say about that. But no divine retribution came, and Iyov leaned forward to better hear their words.

Carl was taken aback by the man’s sudden exclamation. He poured the third shot and opened his mouth to respond only to be cut off!
“Yeeeeaaaah, fack God, fack the world, fack ‘vrywon”, shouted a passing patron who was only still there because the bouncer wouldn’t let him drive home yet. It would be a while. Angrily, Carl turned on him.
“Shut up Dan, uh, what was your name again Sir”, Carl asked the newcomer.
“Jeff…” the man answered, the alcohol slowly loosening his lips.
“Yeah, Jeff”, Carl repeated, turning back to the drunken patron, “Jeff and I are having a chat here, why don’t you go bother someone else?” Carl hated that guy, wished he wouldn’t come in. He was always bothering other customers and interrupting him. Such a jackass. He shook his head. “So “fuck God” you say, are you religious or something?” Jeff laughed, a bitter, heartmincing laugh.
“Yeah, I guess so. Or I was, I dunno what I am anymore.” He took his third shot, sliding the glass forward to be filled once again.
“So… what happened?” Carl looked at him, taking the last drag on a cigarette and lighting another.
“Nothin’… I mean, do you ever just have one of those days where everything you believe in just seems fake…?” He looked, searching in Carl’s face, hoping for some sign of understanding and then… “she fucked him. The damn pastor, she fucked him! And not once. The bastard…” Tears freely flowed from his face now. “He’s a preacher! He’s supposed to be above me and he does this? My wife! I loved her, I never cheated on her or nothing. Oh God…” Jeff buried his head in his hands and cried again.
“Oh wow…” Carl said, “listen man I’m sorry, I know how that feels. Well, sorta, but still. It kinda sounds like you’re placing the blame on your God here, I mean what did he have to do with it? I’m not very religious but doesn’t the bible say shit like that’s wrong? Isn’t God against that kind of thing?”
“I dunno, I guess,” Jeff choked. Another shot was set in front of him and he straight downed this one. “But isn’t the pastor s’posed to be like God’s emissary on earth or something? And my wife…” Tears choked out the rest of his sentence.
“Look man… he Jeff! People suck, I know. I see a lot of them and a lot of them that I see are scum. Shitbags. People ain’t good, there’s no way. And people screw up. You’re a Christian, right?”
“Yeah… or at least I was. I don’t know what I am now. I mean, I cursed God. I can’t come back from that, can I? I just don’ know now.”

Iyov sat transfixed by this. This was something new! A bartender of all people! He would have a rich report this week. He got up and moved a few stools closer, sitting just one away from Jeff and continued to listen as the dialogue deepened. From a pocket inside his trench coat he removed a small leather-bound notebook and began scribbling furiously.

“Isn’t God like, all forgiving or something? Isn’t that what people say – “

A scream erupted from the spiritual world, a demon’s scream. One of the tormenters, shaken, looked up from his prey and stared at the barkeep…

“I’m sure God would forgive you!”

Iyov had heard the scream, and saw the demon and his rage towards Carl…

“But shouldn’t you forgive your wife as well? I mean yeah, she screwed up. But couldn’t you, like, go to marital counseling or something?”

The demon flew towards Carl, talons unfurled, ready to silence this threat. Iyov cursed moments like these; he could only watch. He stood up wishing there was something he could do…

“You should go to your wife, and your God and make peace –“

The demon reached Carl, one hand raise ready to strike the man. Iyov scream and on the wildest of impulses jumped forward, squeezing his eyes closed tight as he flew. Time for angels is eternal, but none-the-less the time in the air seemed like an age to Iyov as he flew. And the time after another age, as the ramifications of his actions sunk in. He would be slain by the demon for interfering and would return to heaven. Likely he would be chastised for his actions by his superiors and would be given some menial task for several centuries…

“… with them.” Carl finished his speech and looked down at Jeff.

There was a sword in his hand. A celestial sword. His whole body shook as he looked at the weapon. It had gone clean through the demon, its body split and oozing some putrid goo. He had slain a demon. He, a watcher, had summoned a celestial sword! But… how? Had God allowed him to act as a Deliverer? He would have much to report on. Very much indeed!

Jeff had soberly (as if sober thinking was capable this many shots down the line) mulled over Carl’s words, and the sense of it had sunk in. He sighed. “You are right you know. But what about you? You say you’re not very religious, but you offered all these worlds to me. Maybe they were for you as much as for me…?” He suggested as he straightened himself up as best he could.
“Frankly I don’t know why I said all that. I’m not religious. I like to think of myself as an athiest. Who knows, maybe it was a muse, maybe there are angels among us!” Both men laughed. “But that’s gonna have to be a conversation for another time. We’re closing up. Do I need to call you a cab?” Jeff stood up, wobbling visibly from the booz.
“Yeeeah, I’m gonna need that. I’m staying at a hotel, here’s the address. And… thanks.”
“No problem”, Carl replied, lighting another cigarette and calling the cab company.

The next thing Iyov knew was he was on his face. He roled slowly and wished he had not. Lekh Teda and several underlings brooded over him with more weapons than Nicaragua. He moaned inwardly and prepared for his demise. He’d never been slain before.
“Get out of here liar Godling! Be glad I spare you, only out of respect for a fellow liar” Lekh Teda spat in Iyov face as the others laughed. “Take your dishonor and leave. If you return I will dispatch you.” Iyov pushed himself to his feet, face lowered before his mocking adversaries. He picked up his notebook and pocketing it, shuffled towards the door. He reached the door and turned around, and in a flash like before at the bar filled the room with brilliance, spreading his wings to their full glory as light reflected in all angles off his armor and sword that once again materialized in his hand. In the Voice he declared his return. He declared the Glory of the Lord. He condemned the Damned before him and sent them to their knees. And in a moment he was gone leaving all spirits to wonder.

Thirty miles away in a large two-story house a woman lay in the arms of the man who had been inside her but was not her husband and cried tears of shame as all the glory of her affair melted away like so much wax. Wiggling out of his embrace, he donned her blue silk robe and left to sleep on the couch, all the while begging God’s forgiveness and praying for the forgiveness of her husband. Upstairs in the same house, a teenage boy sat on his knees in vigil all night praying for his troubled father.

Deus vult!

Ft Watchka, take 3

2005-07-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

The army really likes this short notice thing - I just got another ship date today. I leave monday. WEll, at least I'll be getting this over with and its better than doing nothing.

Another Art Dump

2005-07-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

Once again my blog is gonna play host to an art dump - maybe I'll do a real post later. Something I wrote last semester - anyone that this offends, thats not the purpose, I was just getting some things off me chest:

Rapture. Ecstasy. Happiness. For one moment, these were my words. The soft warm feel of skin against skin was enough to make my heart flutter. Was this love? This feeling of wholly giving one’s self, of selfless slavery to the other? Well if it was, I loved this girl. And the simple sign of amour, the simplicity of her hand in mine, a symbol of this, our young, innocent love.
To say that my heart skipped a beat the moment the move was accepted would be an understatement. This was something totally new, totally unprecedented. I was holding her hand! And she was holding mine, mutually holding with passion and tightness, as if we both feared the other would slip off into oblivion if we let go. I turned, looked at my lover, her hair, long and brown falling like a waterfall over her shoulders, like a veil covering her essence. Her slim form sitting so erect, so frightfully regal in the seat next to me. I smiled, a smile of joy and happiness so rare for me throughout my youth. Happiness was mine! Mine! When was the last time I could have made that claim? Ten years? Certainly not since my young childhood where the simple innocents of being a child allowed one to overlook what hell life was. But she had done it; for those simple moment I was a child again, and the fact that I would go home and have to once again face the music meant nothing. It wasn’t a mere escape, I had plenty of electronic drugs that could have provided that delightful fantasy; this was a reality in which life wasn’t trying to break me.
I sat forward, moving my body to a better vantage. I wanted to look into those eyes, those green drops that would perform a symphony of our love back to me. There was a smile on her face, I could see it as I moved, seeing past her veil. But in a single moment, the world stopped. If before a symphony had been playing, now chaotic metal took its place, a progressive fast rhythm barely even controlled be the performers. In that moment, I remembered we were not alone in the world, we were not alone in the car we shared the moment in. Shared it? Did we even share it? My body shook, my hands clenched, turning the beautiful thing of our holding hands into a desperate thing, no longer a kind and wonderful desire for the other. At her lefthand side sat another. Another…. Invading my moment, penetrating my happiness in a rape that tore, stealing my innocence, my wonder. As my hand held hers, he mirrored the action equally. A scream? Was it real, was it me? Had I let loose the pain in my being, tearing my voice and accosting their ears? Had I let known my violation, my betrayal? No… things wouldn’t have remained the same if I had. I kept my peace. Peace… as if any peace could be contained in my being.
Questions, a million of them flooded the interface of my mind, rendering my cognitive ability useless. Where to begin? Accusations, questions, whining, a thousand voices, a thousand words.

Upward, onward

2005-07-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

I got into a fairly heated discussion with a lovely friend of mine after they woke me from my sleep early this morning. The story aside, we argued over the nature of God's will. As we discussed I realized something: people use "God's Will" as a place to hide, and excuse for indicision. It is important for us to follow to the best of our ability and understanding God's will, but in the end YOU have to decide. YOU have to act. YOU have to choose. God is not going to make your choice for you. You know that free will you rant and rave about? Yeah, employ it and make your choice. Stop prancing around the issue and blaming it on God. Act. Move on. Proceed with life. That is all.

Silly hats ONLY

2005-07-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

Silly hats ONLY

A shadow

2005-07-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

I know this is gonna be overshadowed by Brooke's awesome poem, but hey, I need a place to put this..

To be alone in a cascading world

Of kind words and gentle looks

Like the kisses of wormwood

The steady mind spins

The blood pulses heavy

A sapling uprooted will never grow

Torn roots are all the better when death is imminent

Kindness, torment, love, vicious, biting screaming

Its all the same when the axe strikes red

The mask of favorable company

A smile so bright like some false sun

And word in confidence are needles when they score gold

And impure poison taints the lode

To be alone in a house so bright

Chained from above to watch

But only tears fall to greet

My friend below in her time of need

The Beauty of my Generation

2005-07-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

I found a favorite poem (that I haven't written)! Its by a poet/songwriter from my church - the freakin' rocks! For those of you on, Ill put her stuff on Wirehog.

The Beauty of my Generation
Brooke Axtell

There is a model in my magazine
Telling me how sweet her product tastes
it goes down so, so smooth
Like her quick oil slick clothes
And too much chocolate in a box
And I see that it is everything
I never knew I always wanted
Until now, Until now
To look like a beautifully
Dispropotionate anorexic doll
I need it now, I need it all
When I see such a syrupy smile
Like the balloone-eyed cereal man
Begging me to dig for the proze
Beneath an ocean of tropic falvor lies.

I cannot look where I am going
Riding this spiritual wave
The rise and fall of my generation
Fast drive, frenzied, oversized
Quiet quality and my sanity
were drowned in the midday traffic
Of your soft drink solutions,
Heartless resolutions,
jokes of war, love like rage.

We are so engaged
i nthat skin deep everything
Man, Woman, music, flesh
Now everybody wants to sing
Of addictive dissonance
A journey on the mindless roads
Of these deeply boring infatuations
With just a pelvis posture
Or perversion of prose.

Listen to us whine!
Listen to us moan!

We are so thoughtless
Our eyes betray us
Play the role
Manicure chaos
Ignore infection
So contageous

There is comfort in decay
There is comfort in complacence
The truth is nothing
And nothing ever changes

Cough up art now
Let it plague us
With its dim light
It will unnverve us
You are relative
The kin of darkness
We are enlightened
So outrageous
Sleep so soundly
Our eyes betray us

In the pulse, pulse
Pulsing of clocks
The heartless pacekeeper
Produces so many golden toys
So many golden boys

You cannot break away
You cannot break away
Until you break, broke
Broken from the beauty.

My Effing Job part 3

2005-06-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

This was an office policy that was sent out a while back. I FINALLY have a shot at the girl-girl threesome =D

•A friendly reminder: “We have a client company policy that male-female twosomes for lunch are taboo; so, if needed, bring a spouse, partner, child, etc. for outside-the-office lunch appointments with one of us.”
• These taboo male-female twosomes are defined as: an employee of TGUPC, AND a TGUPC Business Contact.
•On the other hand, TGUPC greatly encourages male-male or female-female twosomes, and any threesomes, etc. of a TGUPC Business Contact.

My Effing Job part 2

2005-06-30T08:16:00.000-07:00

Ok the office I'm workin in at the moment offers too much amusement fodder to be left alone, so today, armed with my camera, I invaded to make my work place famous on the interweb.

First off we have this gem, an office policy from like 200 years ago that Tom has posted in the bathroom, of all places. Its directly accross from the pot, so you can't help but read it when you're in there.

It reads:
1)The policy for good office procedures is respect of God, cleanliness and punctuality (not too bad sofar)
2)As of now, personnel will be present only on weekdays from sex in the morning to six at night. Sundays will be used for going to church. every morning in the main office, we will say a prayer(oooookay, 12 hr word days, I can do this for the right price. Wierd them telling me how to run my off time)
3)If there's a good reason, everyone is expected to work overtime (thats understandable, right?)
4)The senior emplyee is respinsible for cleaning of the office. All young employees will come to him 40 minutes before the prayed and stay with him after work has ended (What? You expect me to hang around work to clean for 80 minutes unpaid??)
5)Simple clothing is law. personnel are not allowed to wear light or glittering colors and have to wear sensible socks (DAMN! there goes my crazy purple toe sock plan). Overshoes and coats will not be worn in the office since there is a heating system. An exception is scarves and hats when the weather is bad. it is also recommended that during the winter months, personnel bring four pounds of coal daily. (Scrooge, might I have a piece of coal...?)
6)it is not allowed to talk during office hours (sounds productive to me). An employee who smokes, drink alcoholic beverages, visites billiard halls or political rallies, shows his honor, thinking and sense of orded will be doubted (!! I'm FUCKED! Wait a sec, political rallies? So excercising my right to participate in politics is gonna threaten my job??)
7)Eating time is between 11:30 and 12:00. However, everyone is expected to keep working. (No lunch break now. But wait, I might get crumbs in my typewriter!)
8) Our customers and member of management must be trated with honor, respect and humility (of course, why not, so hey, when do we sacrifice to the owner?)
9)Each employee has the duty to look after his health. In case of sickness there will be no salary. Therefor, it is recommended that everyone puts away a part of his salary for sickness or old age. this is done so that the aboce cases, he doesn't have to go on welfare. (What... the... FUCK?)
10)Since this is a much better policy than the last one, we want to emphasize the generosity of this policy. For this reason, more work is expexted. (O.K. This all leaves me with one question... where's my gun!)

What ever happened to my 2 cents anyway

2005-06-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

Too many people are getting married. I suppose its "that season" or whatnot, but geez, some of these marriages scare me. Its very hard to dissuade someone who thinks their in love. And thats really what it comes down to. Far far too many people missunderstand love, and mistake it for euphoric romantic feelings. And even amongst those that should know better, a lot are blinded by these same feelings. It leaves me worried and concerned for some of these kids.

So now I get to give my 10 cents on relationships. Like I said, people first missunderstand love, mistaking it for romantic feelings. But you know, romantic feelings fade in 100% of relationships, and if you mistake love for that... well you're in trouble. Love is a choice, an adamant commitment and a binding, an offering of yourself. The bond you create had to be maintained, like two people holding hands, if one isn't careful, his hand might slip away. Instead, hands must be held fast with vigilance. Thats not to say fights won't happen, but fights are how issues get worked through, and ultimately fights should result in a closer, tighter bond. And that leads into the second misconception about love, that its all or nothing, you love someone or you don't. No no no, I love my parents, but I'm clearly not in love with them. I love my roommates dearly, but I'm not gay. Being "in love" is phenomial, its an experience that is not actually love. Well anyway, I hope for the best with all the new marriages!

Church hopping

2005-06-26T17:18:00.000-07:00

Since I've been back in Austin, I've been playing hop scotch with churches. I've been to a few so-far, the artistic Hope Chapel, the socially forward Gateway, and most recently, the teeny tiny Oak Hill Bible. Now, I'm not usually one for Bible churches, in fact I've been thrown out of a few for "heresy". But this church fascinates me. Perhaps its partially nostalgia since it reminds me a lot of the little church a grew up in, but I've found a fond place in my heart for this little church. What do I mean by little? Oh gosh... It probably has eight, maybe nine families in it, and their sanctuary is maybe the size of two LU classrooms put together. Its small. Now, the funny thing about these Bible churches is that most of them don't accept the gifts of the Holy Spirit and related issues (this is where I get thrown out for heresy... I just answered an adult's questions in front of a room full of my peers, geez). Anyway, this little church is no different, and yet I would say that the Holy Spirit moves very powerfully in that church. Its ironic, but oh well. I just want to know what they call a miraculous healing of brain cancer if its not a DIVINE HEALING *laughs*.

Here's a gem

2005-06-24T07:52:00.000-07:00

Here's a rolemodel for all good little boys!

I like how they spend the whole article talking about the dog. Didn't he rape two little girls two? But no, the fucking DOG DIED! Don't you understand? What kind of world do we live in where DOGS get KILLED? Maybe the author had a thing for the dog, I dunno.

It makes me laugh

2005-06-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

Ok. A second post for today.

I'm back working for Tom at my old job in the CPA office. Now Tom is a "super religious" type, or he really can be. I've seen him send people home because their dress was too immodest for this workplace. And don't even get me started about my earrings! Good gosh, you'd think I was a devil-woshiper or something! Anyway, there are two "senior" employees that work here, Gail and Michael. Michael is an assistant tax preparer, and Gail is the office manager/whateverthehellneedstobedone person. Good lord man, if Tom knew some of the stuff that goes on in here.

Gail runs personal businesses from here. Gail bitches about Tom, his shitty business, his stupid family, and his general stupidity every time she talks to someone. Gail airs out office's dirty laundry publicly. Michael will often lock his office door and take a nap. Michael plays poker online all morning. Michael swears like hell when he comes in. Michael comes in at 10, looks around, and tells me he's been here since 8 (I of course agree, its always good to have people owe you favours. Its not my money anyway). Michael.... well, I don't want to even know what all Michael does here on the weekends when he comes to "work". Its so amusingly ironic that Tom fancies his work place as so highly moral with all that goes on. And he can't just not know whats happening, he must have SOME clue. I'd like to think that a professional CPA wouldn't be so naive, but perhaps I'm wrong. Oh well, makes for an amusing work experience.

Two weeks later...

2005-06-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how disenchanted I am with the army. Here I am two weeks later still in Austin. Any why, one might ask? Yet another in a long line of perpwork jackups aimed in my general direction. Ahh what a glorious army carreer I've had! I've been angered, frustrated, put off, left in limbo, forgotten, mislead; what more could any self-respecting enlistedman ask for?? Man am I going to have stories for the kids!

Anyway, I just gotta wait it out till August and hope that God's will coinsides with mine. What more to sat for now?

Deus vult.

3 days left....

2005-06-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

The time is getting close! Whether excited or freaked out, I just try not to think about it. Its coming. 17 weeks of AIT.... Arizona's gonna be hot!

On the Rocks

I love social psychology

Gah

Realization...

Cosmic coin toss

Vestis Virum Reddit, but where would they be without the warehous

Insult to Injury

Water in the night

The Sale

Bottom of a bottle

Twisted

Baka

wow

The wide horizon

Relatively good week

Very sad

Monday

Weekend = boredom

This was interesting

Im 20

The secret to happiness is not getting shanked by your "husband" in prison

Welcome to the suck

Another Army Day

A lyrical place

Revalation

Arizona's a nice place to live, but I wouldn't want to visit here

Falling Away from me

Sanity comes in the form of a kick to the balls

Send me love in literary form

Running is the BEST cure when you're sick!

I am the Butt-end of the Cosmic Joke

Quote of the day: "I leapt out of bed, like a gay Batman impersonater on his way to Robin's Anal Virginity Party."

If people fall dead all around, should you be more interested in the fact that people are dying or the fact that you're still alive

"Words... words.... words.... *looks up/nods* WORDS!"

The monotony begins!

Oh my....

Freedom in a cell

126 days and counting...

RAIN

Arizona

....second thought

Fun with Drill Sarg!

Angel and the Bartender

Ft Watchka, take 3

Another Art Dump

Upward, onward

Silly hats ONLY

A shadow

The Beauty of my Generation

My Effing Job part 3

My Effing Job part 2

What ever happened to my 2 cents anyway

Church hopping

Here's a gem

It makes me laugh

Two weeks later...

3 days left....

"Words... words.... words.... looks up/nods WORDS!"